Hopeless Lullaby

Oh geez, thanks for the screwed up emotions

I feel like Norah Silverberg once again. I always knew that I’m the exact epitome of that not-much-of-a-heroine heroine of David Levithan and Rachel Cohn’s novel. This How could you like someone who confuses the hell out of you? question just keeps creeping on my mind that I feel so emotionally exhausted and screwed up of having to come up with a reasonable answer.

Ugh. Please just stop being this person that I hardly understand. It ain’t right. You’re screwing with my emotions and I don’t like it. Cardio Boy Number Two? I don’t think so.

I need my Nick O’Leary dear God. Please.

I sure love my domesticated life but in two days, I have to get back to reality and face a different kind of battleground: CLERKSHIP.

It’s interesting and heartwarming that some people are texting me and giving me advice to be fair to myself, never do other people’s unwanted jobs and just get mad if necessary. No one gave me heads-up when it comes to clerkship. No one was there to personally orient me about the horror, the stress, and the clear intoxication that clerkship will bring. And no one ever gave me the heads up either of having to be a leader of the clerkship group. I have imagined all the horror and stress that I’ll be having with clerkship (it’s part of the anticipation type of defense mechanism that I have developed ever since I entered Medicine), but I think I was not that ready to sheepdog a bunch of people who have personalities stronger than mine. Everyone has their own flaw and glitches, but the people I’m gonna be with have flaws that are obviously out in the open that our classmates could easily pinpoint them when asked who could be the bad tomatoes. Fortunately, the obvious bad tomatoes went into the basket that I’ll be carrying for the rest of the clerkship period.

Sure, every group has their own weakness: ego-tripping, misunderstandings, selfish feud and feats and crazy crazy petty quarrels. I guess, people around me (and not a member of my group) can obviously see how flawed the mixture of our basket is: strong personalities mixed with dependent attitude led by wavering guide; and, voila, a future laughing stock and interesting storyline that everyone will surely watch out for.

However for me, I have big faith on my group. Sure, we have different personalities and much of my members have personalities stronger than mine. But what is clerkship without drama and all those glitches? I guess it’s part of it. No one maybe knew how some of my groupmates have great ideas on organizing especially regarding the group’s welfare and how some of my members are inquisitive enough to learn everything and anything about Medicine. I just need to understand and avoid pre-judging people. After all, everyone can become a back-biting bitch when the tough gets going.

For now, I’m gonna keep my fingers crossed for so many things:

• that I don’t become a back-biting bitch when everything else fails
• that I get to understand my groupmates and I hope they get to understand me
• that democracy should be implemented at all times
• and that the people I’m expecting to misbehave are just misjudged folks who are in dire need of understanding and new perspective.

I hope other people will cross their fingers for me though. After all, there’s only a limited amount of time before your fingers get numb and you get rope burn.

Clerkship Battleground, I may not be the perfect warrior but hey, bring it on! I’m ready to fight and learn my battle.

The teachings of today’s mass said that “To wait is to love and to have patience is showing love.”

The Archbishop stated that waiting is a sign of loving and patience is a sign of loving. When we can’t wait and we’re losing patience with someone, it’s because our love for them is fading. When we love, a million years would feel like just a second. But when we don’t love, a single second may mean a burdensome million years.

Our Father God is always waiting and is always patient because He has so much love for His children.

Let us wait. And let’s be patient. Let us love.

the-absolute-best-posts:

“I have the deepest affection for intellectual conversations. The ability to just sit and talk. About love, about life, about anything, about everything. To sit under the moon with all the time in the world, the full-speed train that is our lives slowing to a crawl. Bound by no obligations, barred by no human limitations. To speak without regret or fear of consequence. To talk for hours and about what’s really important in life.”

Follow this blog, you will love it on your dashboard

(Source: herarbitrarymusings)

The Ex-bashing should have to stop NOW. We all get our hearts broken, and the people who broke our hearts had their fair share of heartbreak stories, so why on earth spend so much time and effort trying to feel bad and talking insensitive stuffs when all has ended? Seriously, people should start looking at what they’ve done and stop blaming, stop feeling bad, stop wallowing on disappointments, what-ifs and other shenanigans that might as well impede them from moving on.

You don’t wallow in heartaches: you deal with it, you learn from it. And hopefully, just maybe in a mature sense of self-discovery, you can realize and find out who you are, who you really need, and not just who you want to be with.

We all have our fair share of heartaches. Let yours be not the one peppered with hatred and bitterness. 

Revised version of Don’t wanna miss A thing

ilovemycarmaria:

i could stay awake just to finish reading
taking notes and summarizing
while i’m drinking coffee and eating
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Whatever I read today i hope I can still remember

Don’t wanna close my eyes, I don’t wanna fall asleep
‘Cause I want to pass and don’t wanna fail a thing
‘Cause even if Im done reading, I still know it would never do
I’d still might fail and I don’t want to fail a thing